Tag Archives: life

Valid like salid

My feelings were never valid because I was a child, conceived of your sin; born from your womb. Even as an adult to express hurt or anger or disappointment in your eyes is a display of disrespect. 

My depression was never valid in your least favorite child. You sought counselors for your son but told me I have an attitude problem.

My hunger is never valid because I eat too much in your eyes anyway. For years I trained my body to sufice with the minimum for the sake of a size, starving, losing my hair and my period but I’m never enough.

Now I’ve had enough. I think we need to take a break. Not out of spite but for the sake of my sanity. 

I will never find validation with you.

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NWTS

Nothing was the same or how its supposed to be or how I thought it would be. Everything is wrong and out of place and out of order and i never thought I’d be here. But this is how life works apparently, I’ve never mer a single soul whose life went the way they planned it. But I’ve  dug myself into a hole that has no exit and i don’t know what to do. I constantly have things to do yet I never get anything done. I’m not as smart as I should be. I used to be so sure in everything I did but lately every decision I make is the wrong one.

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Nights like tonight

Nights like tonight remind me that I need a man of God. The thermostat currently reads 20 degrees and I want to be held. Tonight I know I could easily yield to temptation; because honestly I want more than just to be held. I want to feel the lips of a lover brush against my neck and steady hands on my waist. I want someone to hold me close because they care. But I have a feeling that what I want and what I need are two very different things. I need someone who wants the same things as I do. I need someone with similar ideals when it comes to sex. I see changes in my life everyday, and they only get bigger as time goes by. I see myself growing and I need someone who will grow with me. In this transitory stage of my life I want to focus on going where God leads me and any guy that comes into my life has to fit on that path and in God’s plan for me.

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With my woes

I’ve spent most of my day carrying around a very heavy heart for no particular reason. I’ve prayed for confirmation and I think I got it this morning  so I thought today would turn out well; well it didn’t. I try so hard not to mess up at work that I mess up. I know I haven’t
taken care of everything that needs attention so I don’t really need a reminder. Today I’ve felt heavy and empty and it’s the strangest sensation. I have no one to talk to and I can’t keep my thoughts in order. I feel sad, very sad and if you asked me why I couldn’t tell you.

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