Tag Archives: Feelings

Valid like salid

My feelings were never valid because I was a child, conceived of your sin; born from your womb. Even as an adult to express hurt or anger or disappointment in your eyes is a display of disrespect. 

My depression was never valid in your least favorite child. You sought counselors for your son but told me I have an attitude problem.

My hunger is never valid because I eat too much in your eyes anyway. For years I trained my body to sufice with the minimum for the sake of a size, starving, losing my hair and my period but I’m never enough.

Now I’ve had enough. I think we need to take a break. Not out of spite but for the sake of my sanity. 

I will never find validation with you.

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No you’re other friend.

I’m the other friend. We have a cute friend in the group, we have a sexy friend in our group.  The spot for smartest has already been filled . We got the one with the sparkling personality, and someone else that’s eccentric  and interesting we even have a comedian. So I’m the other friend. The friend that’s not approachable, or worth a second look. I’m the buffer; I cock block when my friends don’t want to hurt your feelings.

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The Myths of Life

Ok I don’t really have an organized way of starting this but as always my heavy thoughts won’t let me study until I put them in writing; so here we go. I believe the world has always been a cruel and terrible place, and I don’t believe that will ever change. Evil will always exist so long as we have a good to compare it to. Not to say that evil will win in the end, but it will always exist. You can’t have hot without cold, dark without light, or good with out bad.Take a minute to think, have you ever read a Utopian novel? I mean a novel about a perfect society with no conflict and no underlying evil. I haven’t; but I’ve read plenty of dystopian, and people eat those stories up. Why? Because people can relate to oppressive societies and corruption and general mistrust mankind. I don’t believe this world was created to be perfect. I believe that evil, and misery, and negativity, all have there places in our lives, without them we wouldn’t fully appreciate the good, and joy, and positivity that comes into our lives.  And honestly this feels so fake deep but I can’t get these things off my mind. At 19, I have started questioning my purpose and path in life. I (like everyone) want to make a difference in this world, but how? I know I can’t save the world, and honestly I wouldn’t want to try to but I want to leave a positive impact on everyplace I go but I feel so insignificant the majority of the time. I write on a blog that literally has 0 followers so for me to have the audacity to think that I could make even the slightest impact on this vast universe we call home feels a bit ludicrous to me, but yet I still try. I don’t know where I was going with this but I feel a bit better so maybe now I can study.

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I have a hard time putting my thoughts all in one place. No matter my task at hand, my mind continuously races and it frustrates me. I wish so deeply that I could just concentrate on one thing but it never happens. Homework goes unfinished, and at work I seem detached but I just can’t help it. I feel lost most of the time, I struggle to keep my head above water, while everyone around me swims freely. My grandmother told me “Vive el Presente”  live for today, with that she wanted us to know that we only have right now. This very second we cannot do anything other than what we are doing right now so do it to the best of your ability; give 100% effort 100% of the time. But when your mind races to 100 different places how much can you really give?

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