Tag Archives: emotions

Big Girls Don’t Cry

As I child I cried all he time; for any reason at all I cried. My heart stayed on my sleeve like a tattoo.  I can still remember my mother telling me “big girls don’t cry,” we didn’t really express those emotions in my household. Eventually I begin to see vulnerability as a weakness. For my adolescent years I wore a mask; it was hard like plastic, stolid, and very consistent.  I didn’t let myself cry for six years. Not once. Death came and went, pain stayed around for a while, and sadness found a home in my heart, sill…no tears. Now I feel like I can’t cry, not that I shouldn’t cry but I physically have a hard time shedding tears. I need a physical release for my emotions and I just don’t have it.Oddly enough, now I constantly feel as if I’m on the verge of tears and honestly it’s emotionally exhausting.

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With my woes

I’ve spent most of my day carrying around a very heavy heart for no particular reason. I’ve prayed for confirmation and I think I got it this morning  so I thought today would turn out well; well it didn’t. I try so hard not to mess up at work that I mess up. I know I haven’t
taken care of everything that needs attention so I don’t really need a reminder. Today I’ve felt heavy and empty and it’s the strangest sensation. I have no one to talk to and I can’t keep my thoughts in order. I feel sad, very sad and if you asked me why I couldn’t tell you.

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