Tag Archives: crying

Valid like salid

My feelings were never valid because I was a child, conceived of your sin; born from your womb. Even as an adult to express hurt or anger or disappointment in your eyes is a display of disrespect. 

My depression was never valid in your least favorite child. You sought counselors for your son but told me I have an attitude problem.

My hunger is never valid because I eat too much in your eyes anyway. For years I trained my body to sufice with the minimum for the sake of a size, starving, losing my hair and my period but I’m never enough.

Now I’ve had enough. I think we need to take a break. Not out of spite but for the sake of my sanity. 

I will never find validation with you.

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Real Deal Holyfield

With the semester winding down and finals right around the corner, life has started moving very quickly in very different directions. I realized the speed of things today when I went to the restroom and I felt the ground shake. My first thought was earthquake but we don’t have those here; then I realized, the ground hadn’t moved, I was trembling and shaking. Unsteady and unsure of anything, I couldn’t stop myself from convulsing. I don’t know where this came from but it sure did scare me.
So right there in the bathroom stall I cried and I prayed. I prayed for myself and my family and for guidance through the rest of this semester.

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Advice for the night

“You need to go out and get stupid drunk and wake up hung over, go shopping and spend way to much money, go bungee jumping, or shoot a gun. You need to find something you can get lost in”

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Big Girls Don’t Cry

As I child I cried all he time; for any reason at all I cried. My heart stayed on my sleeve like a tattoo.  I can still remember my mother telling me “big girls don’t cry,” we didn’t really express those emotions in my household. Eventually I begin to see vulnerability as a weakness. For my adolescent years I wore a mask; it was hard like plastic, stolid, and very consistent.  I didn’t let myself cry for six years. Not once. Death came and went, pain stayed around for a while, and sadness found a home in my heart, sill…no tears. Now I feel like I can’t cry, not that I shouldn’t cry but I physically have a hard time shedding tears. I need a physical release for my emotions and I just don’t have it.Oddly enough, now I constantly feel as if I’m on the verge of tears and honestly it’s emotionally exhausting.

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