Still learning how to love me the way I am. I am a beautiful person

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“He looked at me”

“He looked at me and smiled”
“He looked at me and chuckled to himself”
“He looked at me and I saw the future in his eyes”

He. Looked. At. Me. that phrase has been stuck in my head all day

And now I know why. Because he looked at me. He wasn’t my boyfriend but when he was here
he was the only person that wanted to do that. He wanted to look at me. He wanted to see me.
I haven’t had anyone really want to since.

I want someone to look at me. I want to be wanted. I want to be seen

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Sorry doesn’t fix the broken vase

If you pick up a glass vase and slam it on the ground its broken. You can say sorry to the vase but it’s still broken. To fix it you have to pick up every single broken piece of glass (probably cutting yourself in the process) find a glue thats strong enough to hold the glass together but gentle enough to not ruin it, spend the time fitting the puzzle pieces back together and even still nothing you do will ever renew the vase to its orginal form. It might  look the same, feel the same, serve the same purpose but it will never be the  same.

My mom gave me that metaphor when I was younger and now I know why.

Get Silly and Crank that soulja boy with Marco Polo and Dj Cupid

Do yall remember that time from 2008ish-2010ish when it seemed like every damn song had a dance to it? Like..
soulja boy, cupid shuffle, get silly, bird walk, heal toe, lean with it rock with it,  Marco Polo and thats just off the top of my head

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Baylor’s Art Briles to speak Friday at SXSW

Statesman U

Kansas State v Baylor

With his team on spring break, Baylor coach Art Briles will talk football on the opening day of SXSWSports.

The topic is “coaching fast and fearlessly.” Briles bio for SXSW describes him as a “Texas high school football coaching savant turned college offensive genius turned standard-setting visionary for how to reinvent a program.”

Briles will be joined by Kevin Kelley, the high school coach in Arkansas who is known nationally as the guy who never punts.

A year ago, Texas Tech coach Kliff Kingsbury was a featured panelist during the inaugural SXSWSports.

The panel is open to those attending SXSW Interactive.

Check here Friday afternoon and we’ll give you the highlights.

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Royal Growing Pain

As we grow up people ask us all the time what we want to do when we get older. We are taught as early as possible the path we should take in our lives. Go to school, graduate, go to college and get a job. We’re all taught that we serve a purpose in society. We all have a function that we have to acknowledge and perform. But what about those who get left behind? What about the people who can’t quite find their niche?
In the Disney Channel movie Sky High the villian is named Royal Pain. So back in the day when she was in school Royal Pain was just seen as a nerd and an outcast come to find out she was a technopath  (stick with me i promise I’m almost to my point) but her superpower wasn’t seen as a superpower until science and technology really developed. Her purpose she was meant to serve in society didn’t really exist yet. So what happens if the function you’re meant to serve in society doesn’t exist anymore  or if it doesn’t exist yet? What are you supposed to do?

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No you’re other friend.

I’m the other friend. We have a cute friend in the group, we have a sexy friend in our group.  The spot for smartest has already been filled . We got the one with the sparkling personality, and someone else that’s eccentric  and interesting we even have a comedian. So I’m the other friend. The friend that’s not approachable, or worth a second look. I’m the buffer; I cock block when my friends don’t want to hurt your feelings.

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Lovers, friends, and Strangers

Sometimes I forget to speak to the people I love. Sometimes I purposely avoid the people that mean the most to me. I think about them and pray for them and I wish them well. I wonder if they know. I frequently worry about  people I haven’t seen since the 6th grade and that probably isn’t normal but I can’t help it.

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I grew use to being a secret.

kelzbelzphotography

I grew use to being a secret. Hidden from others knowing about past relationships. No public displays of affection. Staying within the privacy of either homes. Questions avoided if we were seen together. I never questioned it, ever. I’m a private person to but I started to feel worthless, a dirty little secret. Now I’ve been experiencing, it all out in the open. Holding hands, surprise hugs, kisses. It makes me feel so good about myself. Affection in front of people. No fear of what others might say. Its made me open my eyes to how much I’d lowered my expectations of what I wanted and needed. How much I’d scarified to accommodate someone else. Never again will I allow myself to lose myself for anyone

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Sun so sweet

I saw the sun today for the first time in about a week. I missed it. I feel like I’ve just gone through the motions this week, everything felt incomplete. But today, today I saw the sun. Today I finally woke up and it felt so sweet.

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